More Matthew!

One of the gifts I got for Christmas was Matthew McConaughey's book Greenlights.

I started reading it on the 26th and finished it 5 minutes ago.  I loved it.  It made me think.  He's lived such an interesting and very considered life.  I suddenly feel like I've just bumbled through life compared!  However, the one thing he's clear on is we shouldn't compare.  We shouldn't judge.  He's right.

I love his films although one or two I haven't watched through choice as they are difficult to watch.  Dallas Buyers Club, the one he got an Oscar for is one.  I've heard it's brilliant, but I've never been able to watch it.  Another I've not watched is Magic Mike.  I'd love to watch it and I believe it is very good yet I can't quite get over my embarrasment at the subject of the film!  I find overt sex difficult to deal with.  In his book he talks about wet dreams he had that were catalists for him 'finding himself' at various stages in his life.  My first thought was 'who tells the world about a wet dream they had'!  How is it some people can talk openly like that and others (like me) feel it's embarrassing.  I'm not offended by it, don't get me wrong, its just I find it hard to comprehend that some people don't feel embarrassed about what is really quite natural.   Is the upbringing you have?  Is it learned behaviour?  I'm not sure.  I know I'd sometimes like to be more 'open' but then I think 'does it matter'?  

I wonder how I'll be remembered when I'm gone.  Matthew called it 'leaving your scent'.  I think my grand daughter will remember me as an artist.  Our thing is doing crafts and art together in my craft room.  I'm not as sure about my grandson.  It might be advice giver.  He used to come to our house for lunch most days while at High School as we live next to the school and it got him out of the rain!  He'd bring his problems and worries and him and I would chew it over and try to sort it out.  I miss seeing and chatting with him now.  He's 19 and working now so we only see him occasionally for short visits.  As for my children - they still bring their health worries to me, I can often reassure them.  My eldest comes to me regarding health worries but not for any other worries, my daughter and I talk about almost anything (maybe not sex so much though - see above!) my youngest comes to me and talks about almost anything too and he seeks my opinion on his music when he's making it.  It's funny though, because as I'm writing this I realise these are my own impressions of me, perhaps theirs will be very different.  Isn't it a shame that some of the nicest things said about us is said at our funeral when we're not there to hear it!

I didn't intend for this to get maudline and about death and funerals.  Isn't it funny where your mind goes without your permission!  One of my New Year Goals is to tame my mind monkey.  He's getting too big for his boots lately.  I'm now worrying about worrying and it's got to stop!  I'm looking at strategies to take my own advice and realise that worrying doesn't change any outcome in life it just makes us live through it twice! (I read that somewhere!)

I want to try to be more Matthew!  More intentional.  More present.  Less in the past or the future I've made up.  As long as I take action to deal with the things that worry me, for example the lump I've now got on my leg, then there's no point stressing about it.  I've been to the doctor and it's being dealt with and no amount of worry will change it.  

The title of his book is Greenlights and it's a reference to traffic lights.  It's his way of saying you can turn bad luck (red light) into good luck (greenlight) is my interpretation.  He's a believer in the law of attraction and I too believe in that so maybe if I start looking at the greenlights in my life I'll learn to be more Matthew! x