A Grump!

I feel so angry. My daughter and I had a heated discussion about the H&M fiasco.  She's very much on their side and I'm not!  I didn't watch the interview, I'm not interested but she did and has been quite vocal about it.  It's actually hard to escape it.  It's everywhere, on the internet, tv, newspapers etc.  I'm not angry with my daughter, she's entitled to her opinion.  I'm just angry.  I'm fed up with all the negativity there is now.  I think if H&M wanted to go to wherever, thats fine, just go but why choose now in the middle of a pandemic to moan and whine about their lot?   There are three sides to every story.  Your version, my version and the truth.  We all tell our version to make ourselves sound better than perhaps might have been perceived by the other person and the other person will obviously do the same so hence, the third version (the truth) which is somewhere in the middle of the other two versions.  We'll never hear the other two versions of this saga and they must have known that so this is a very one sided 'arguement' which has caused nothing but divisions and accusations.  

 

I've been reading Phillipa Perry's book.  The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read.  Yes, it's another self help book and to be honest, I think any help in it is a bit late for me.  My youngest is 37 now!  He's fully cooked as my friend says!  However.  As is the way with these books they get you thinking.  One of the things I took away from it was to analyze your emotions in times of stress and anger.   Are you angry at what's in front of you now or has it triggered a long since forgotten emotion from the past.  I know someone who could do with reading this book.  Their childhood was less than idyllic even though they were well cared for financially.  There are times when you can hear their father speaking, his attitude, his arrogance, a demand to be respected when he didn't deserve any respect.   The behaviour now at times is almost certainly a throwback reaction.   The trouble is, lots of people don't recognise themselves the same way we might.  They can't see their behaviour from a third party point of view.   

I actually had a classic example of displaced anger myself when my youngest son was a teenager.  I was going through the menopause at the time and found myself getting angrier about things than I normally would.  I had days when I'd go into my office and warn everyone to keep out of my way!  In a mostly male office this was taken with a pinch of salt and then they wondered what hit them when they crossed me!!  Fortunately they were all very supportive of me too and we often had a good laugh after my grump.  However to get back to my story,  one day my youngest son said something cheeky to me which normally I'd have brushed off with a remark along the lines of 'watch it sunshine or else!' but this day my menopause monster reared its head and I went off the planet at him.  Even as I was screaming and shouting at him I felt as though I was watching it from outside my own body!  He was devasted as I never normally behaved like that to any of my children and to be honest he was the best behaved of the three of them.  I stomped off to my bedroom and howled and cried.  After a while I calmed down and came back to find my son to apologise to him.  I had no idea where it came from and my only excuse was a menopausal mad moment came over me.  My level of anger was totally unjustified.  I'm glad I had the sense to see this for myself and was able to apologise and move on from it.  Where its dangerous is if you can't see that you're in the wrong and are taking out your anger on someone who doesn't deserve it.

Some books might not seem all that relevant to your current situation but can still help you by making you think about things more deeply.  I know my anger just now is nothing to do with two privileged people giving an interview.  They are an outlet.  They are an excuse, a reason to shout and make instant opinions about a situation we will never ever hear the other two sides of.  I want to shout at the pandemic, at governments fighting instead of doing the day job, at people wanting the past obliterated, at not being able to cuddle my grandson when he's hurting cos he was 'dumped' by his girlfriend, at people who still refuse to wear masks or get vaccinated and probably more.

I'm not depressed.  I'm just fed up.  I suspect it's because we planned to be with our son in Australia for his birthday again this year and we know we won't be and probably not next year either.  I think that's were my anger lies.   Perhaps when I get my vaccine tomorrow I'll feel better.  Fingers crossed.