Gaining Confidence

I read a very interesting post on a blog today.  It was http://lifesfunnylikethat.blogspot.com/ about being self concious and self worth.   A very well written post and it touched a wee nerve.

Now, don't get me wrong.  I had a very happy, normal childhood (the lady in question doesn't seem to have had) but my mum was never one to tell you you looked nice, in fact she was more likely to tell you what the flaws were and my dad wasn't one for compliments either, he was a kidder.  He'd be more likely to tell me I looked like I'd been through a hedge backwards than I looked nice.  I had a friend at that time.  Her family were always telling her how pretty she was, how nice her hair was, how gorgeous she looked in a new dress etc and I remember on one occasion we both went into the city and bought almost identical midi dresses that were all the rage at the time.  When I tried it on and showed my family there was much derision about the length of it etc but no-one said it was nice on me.  The next day at my friends house she was wearing her dress and I remember her mum almost swooning about how lovely her girl looked.  I still remember the feeling to this day of inadequacy.  Now, if I tell you I was 5'7 to my friends 5'2, I was willowy with long slim legs, a narrow waist and boobs to die for!  My friend was fairly plump, although very pretty and when I look at photographs now of my teenage self I cannot believe how much I felt in her shadow.  Photograph of me with my mum on holiday in Jersey in 1973.

Thankfully I met my husband when I was 16 and although he's not one for big compliments either, he makes me feel like a million dollars at times and because of that I have gained much more confidence in myself.  It's easy to get bogged down with how we 'should' look.  The media is cruel.  There is a feeling that we should look young and beautiful no matter what age we are and if we're not perfect we must do something about it or hide away.   I still have times when I feel insecure and wish I could be 'more perfect' but on the whole I think I've more or less embraced the fact that I'm pretty lazy when it comes to beauty stuff!  I've all but stopped wearing makeup, of which I only ever wore blusher, mascara and eyeshadow anyway; I don't wear a bra if I'm not going out where I'll be seen, ie if I'm going to the shops with a jacket on, no bra, if its sunny and I'll be in a t.shirt I wear my bra!  I don't do exercises as I realised if I start them I'll need to do them forever (can't be bothered with that); I don't use products in my hair except shampoo because I'd need to wash my hair every day if I did and life is too short for that;  I do shave my legs and underarms though, I'm not quite at that stage yet and I do trim the ridiculous hairs that randomly grow on my chin!  I'm also still at the 'I wish I could lose this extra weight I've gained this past year' stage.  One day soon I hope to put the wish into some kind of action!

There is a lot to be said for getting older.  I had my 65th this past weekend and I think I look ok for it and I feel healthy and that's what really matters.  If the pandemic did nothing else it showed us all that life can change dramatically very suddenly so lets all do one thing that we've not had the confidence to do 'in case someone thinks we look stupid'.  I'm going to the hairdresser tomorrow and I plan to be brave and let her cut it really short, just because I can!

I wrote this last night so here I am with my shorter hair!  x