Trying

I got a shock at the weekend when I saw my aunt.  My aunt had always looked the same to me.  As a child I adored her and she seemed very glamourous as she lived in Geneva and she never seemed to age very much.   She moved back to Scotland a few years ago to be nearer family after her husband died.  She lives very near me but I've not seen much of her lately, she and I had a major fall out when my dad was dying so we've kept our distance since then.  She doesn't do apologies very well, if at all, and to be honest I think the only reason we still speak at all is because she wants to keep the door open to my handy hubby doing stuff in the house for her.  That may sound cynical but I believe it to be the case.   She's also fallen out with two neighbours, one of which she treated like a second daughter for a while and now will have nothing to do with her.   We've heard the neighbours version of the 'arguement' and quite frankly my aunt was in the wrong but she refuses to accept this (much the same as our falling out too) so rather than admit she may have made a mistake she's now sneaking about trying to avoid this neighbour!  As I don't need to have much to do with her and the times I do is usually at a family gathering, I can get by fine by being polite, asking after her and moving on.  However, she was diagnosed with Alzheimers a few months ago.  I believe she's in the early stages and was put on some drugs to slow down its progress.  I have no idea how well that is working but if how she looks is  anything to go by she's further down the rabbit hole than I was led to believe.  She looks awful and I showed my friend a photograph taken at the weekend and we compared it to one taken last year at a family gathering.  I said I couldn't put my finger on what was wrong and my friend said 'her spark has gone, she's got that blank look' and she was right, that is exactly what I saw.   I likened her look to my dad in the months before he died when his mind had gone and it is indeed like the lights have gone out, there is a blankness about the face.  I find it hard to realise that she will soon be gone, perhaps not in body but definitely in mind.  She was/is a very educated woman who held a directorship in a large company in Geneva, having also worked for the United Nations for many years and now at the age of 81 her mind has abandoned her, she looks lost and although she still knows who everyone is I feel it won't be long before she doesn't.  It's a very cruel disease that steals your memories but lets you sneak back every now and again just to remind you what you're missing.  I tried my best to be more friendly than I've recently been with her as I felt so sorry for her but I could still feel her animosity towards me which makes it hard.  I miss her, I miss the person she used to be before my dad got ill.  I was quite close to her but she turned to my brother and now he's her go to person and that's fine by me but I still feel I should make more effort to make amends.  I don't want to regret not trying.  Is it wrong to try just because she's ill?   I'm not expecting too much from it but I think I'll feel better if I can get us onto a better footing than we currently have and if nothing else at least I'll have tried.  It's all we can do really, just try. 

I am about to try to move into the 21st century!  I'm about to buy a Kindle!  For my birthday I asked everyone who asked what I wanted to give me Amazon vouchers towards purchasing a Kindle and the only thing holding me back is that hubby told me to wait till Prime Day which is next week.  He said they might reduce the Kindle on those days, fingers crossed!  I had a Kindle years ago.  I registered it on my email address at the time which was linked to our Sky account.  We left Sky years ago and it never occured to me to keep a note of the password etc.  I just let it go with the Sky account and forgot all about it until about two years ago when I dug out the Kindle again.  I decided I should give it another go.  I charged it up and it worked fine so I bought a book for it.  Then I couldn't find the book!  It took me a while but eventually it dawned on me the book would have downloaded via my Sky email address which is what the Kindle was still registered to.  Darn it!  I phoned Amazon and after much convoluted conversation which someone who's first language was not English, I was told I could not reregister my Kindle to another email address now.  It's not something you can change apparently.  So I've no way to download the new book and therefore no way to buy further books for it.  I'm fuming!  Well, I was fuming and declared never again, till now!  When I see some of the books I want to read for 99p on Kindle and £6.99 in paperback its infuriating!  Also, I was aware that recently when I've had a couple of hospital appointments I could easily have fitted a Kindle in my smaller bag whereas I couldn't fit my book in it.  So, I've decided to give it another try.  The children, my hubby and my mum gave me enough vouchers to get the new Kindle, apparently I'll have to endure some advertising to keep the cost down but I suppose it's a small price to pay.  I've just bought the paperback book The Governess by Wendy Holden.  It's a fictionised version of the story of Marion Crawford, governess to Princess Elizabeth and Princess Margaret.  I don't usually like this sort of book but I'm intrigued.  I'll let you know if I like it and I better read it quick before the new kid on the block arrives!!