Happiness Is The Thing
Is it possible to be happy all the time? What is happiness? Is it different for everybody? I'm being very deep and meaningful today. Why? I downloaded a book to my kindle yesterday. It's called The Greatest Secret by Rhonda Byrne as a follow up to her very successful book 'The Secret'. I've got the Secret and I love it. It makes a lot of sense to me. So when I spotted her follow up was 99p on the Kindle I thought I'd give it a try too. Now to be fair, I've barely started it so I can't really comment on it yet however so far the premise seems to be we can live our life and be totally happy and without stress or worry essentially 24/7. It's one of those things you read and think 'yeah right'. But I suppose when you think of people like nuns, monks and other very spiritual people they do seem to be at peace and very calm and worry free. I also think happiness is a different animal for everyone. What makes me happy wouldn't necessarily make anyone else happy so I don't think it's a one size fits all. At the moment (and remember I'm only about 7% into this book!) my take is that we have to lose our preconceptions about ourselves and let go of the past and past hurts etc. If we can be as authentically present as possible perhaps we can lose some of the worries? To an extent this part makes sense to me. Here's an example of hanging onto the past I have:
I've had panic attacks in varying degrees since I had my children. I only remember this because I was given medication for it when my two oldest were very young. One was 18 months the other just over 2. I won't go into the whole thing but a major worry event happened while I was pregnant with the 18 month one and I think I maybe can tie the panic back to then. The problem with panic attacks is that your body remembers triggers and a panic attack is basically your body saying fight or flight? So, every time you worry about a similar issue your body says 'oh oh, here we go fight or flight' and so it begins. I remember very clearly getting the medication because I was late getting home from the pharmacy and flung my bag onto the settee and ran into the kitchen to start dinner and never gave a single thought to the fact that I had strong tablets in said bag and this was in the days before child safety bottles. I came out of the kitchen about 5 minutes later to find the children and the dog sitting on the floor with an open bottle of tablets scattered over the carpet and playing happily with all the cr#p I carried around in my bag. Yes, I panicked but I also phoned the pharmacy and said that 4 of the tablets they'd given me were missing and what should I do and they said go straight to A & E and don't stop till you get there, those tablets slow your heart rate and in a child as young as yours you cannot take the risk, it could stop theirs! Fortunately hubby came through the door at that moment which meant we had a car to go right away. Again, I won't go into it all but all was well and it turns out they don't think either of them ate the tablets and the dog was fine and probably very chilled when we got home! Anyway that is when I remember first suffering from panic attacks and it has continued sporadically for the rest of my life. So, to get back to the book - can I train my body to let go of this reaction? Can I persuade my body that every time I have a worry regarding my children there is no good reason to fight or flee? I'll be very grateful if indeed the book gives me the tools to do this because I'd love love love to let go of this past memory and move on. I'll let you know how that works out for me will I?!
Updated today to say I've given up on this book! I ploughed my way to chapter 3 and its very repetitive and is just quotes from various random people, past and present. It's all about how we are not our body and we have to let go of that idea to enjoy peace!! It was beginning to annoy me especially as I felt it had a lot of promise in the giving up of thoughts and habits of a lifetime to gain peace. Maybe it gets better as you go along but frankly, reading the book was actually making me unhappy so in the nature of the book I've given it up! I am reasonably happy most of the time and I know where my panic attacks come from and can surely work out a way myself to give them up as a habit? I'm glad I had a gift voucher for Amazon and only had to use 99p of it to buy this book!
So, the moral of the story is, don't judge a book by a previous success! I've now moved on to a Catherine Alliott book instead, I've never read any of her books so I hope it's a good one!
I could not read or listen to the narrative version of the Secret beyond a few pages or minutes. It might have been the mindset, but I was at a very dark place when it was suggested to me, and I wanted to throw the book across the room. I find no books or other beings will help me become more positive, fulfilled, or get the life I want. I have to make the changes and steps and just thinking "manifesting" isn't going to cut it. I hope you like your new book.
ReplyDeleteI think your mindset makes a huge difference when reading, particularly 'self help' books. I've tried several books recommended by others and thought 'what a load of rubbish'. The thing for me about the Secret is I can see the relevance of some of it (some of it is total rubbish). Basically it's saying if you want something do something about getting it. So to me it's about networking. It's when you're looking for a new job tell as many people as possible because in lots of cases there's someone who knows someone who's offering a job (I think that what it means by attracting stuff) or if you want a particular car (as I did) it gave me focus on how much I needed to save and clearly when I started looking at cars I knew what I wanted within reason and I got the car I dreamed of having - not brand new but new to me. I interpret The Secret to mean, focus on what you want and do what you can to make it happen, or as near as possible. At first I thought the Secret meant I'd get a brand new car with no input from me but to imagine it however I now see that when you imagine you can get something it can be enough to motivate you towards getting it. But you're right, to make changes in your life you have to put in the work but I think sometimes a book can give you a nudge if you're in the right mind! I'm loving the Catherine Alliott book, it's much better lol.
DeleteIt's funny because I just put a book on my Amazon wish list called "Unwinding Anxiety" but I'll probably get it from the library. Here's a link to what it's about.
ReplyDeletehttps://www.cbc.ca/radio/whitecoat/3-steps-to-break-the-bad-habit-of-worry-1.5980196
I had a look at that link and it's very interesting. A friend of mine joined a mindfulness class to try to curtail a spiralling habit of worry. It worked for him and he continues to practice it. It's finding the thing that works for us isn't it. Really what I want is a switch to switch off my mind when it goes into overdrive! Now whoever invents that will get my business lol.
DeleteInteresting! I have been struggling with anxiety this past couple of years as well. I am glad your new book is going well, and I think you're right everyone needs something different. You figuring out how to process out your panic attacks is the best bet!
ReplyDeleteI never used to be an anxious person. I had rare panic attacks, usually related to a specific worry I had, however as I've got older I would say I'm anxious much more and as for since the pandemic!! But yes, I think everyone is different and need a different approach to what might seem the same problem.
DeleteI don't think I've ever read a self help book, but I was fortunate to see an NHS psychologist, as was another family member. We both owe them a great deal, even though we're still not quite sure what they did exactly. Maybe that's part of their skill set. I do believe that you have to be receptive to being helped by them, but we both believe we couldn't have changed/recovered without their input. Mine definitely helped me to become a very different person to the driven, highly strung, anxious perfectionist person that was heading to an early grave; to think and react in a different way to what had been my norm for as long as I could remember. It's just a shame that there are so many people needing help from such an underfunded service.
ReplyDeleteI think happiness is a fleeting thing, like wonderful highlights to be treasured, and contentment is more long lasting.
I think counselling like self help books rely on you 'bonding' with them. My daughter had to go for counselling many years ago and she wasn't ready for it and hated it and told the counsellor what she wanted to hear - not helpful. Then more recently, a few years ago she sought out a counsellor on her own and took to it immediately and what a difference it made. I guess it's the same with books, some just seem to talk to you and others, no matter how hyped they are just seem like utter rubbish. I'm glad you both got on well with the psychologist and found it a rewarding experience.
DeleteI was often plagued with stress and anxiety at work. When I retired I was totally burnt out and such a pessimist that I could depress myself. They do say though that happiness is a choice and you can decide whether to be a glass half empty or a glass half full kind of person. Other than retiring, I’m not sure what happened but I now feel positive and optimistic most of the time and, dare I say it, on occasions even giddy with happiness.I didn’t read any self help books but getting away from the pressure of work certainly helped coupled with doing The Science of Well Being on Coursera and dipping in and out of Action for Happiness’ website. There are some situations though that still leave me panicking and nervous, like filling in my tax return or dealing with authoritative people which I can only think is a continuing hangover from form filling and rule following at work when there was an expectation that everything had to be 100% correct. Letting go, really does take time and practice, doesn’t it?
ReplyDeleteWhen I worked in the council but outwith the main council offices I loved my job and felt very happy and appreciated. Then we got a new boss who wanted to work in the main offices (our wee office wasn't posh enough for him) and he succeeded in getting us moved and from then on I hated my job and felt very stressed, so much so I became ill. Since I retired I've felt much happier, all the worries and stresses dont disappear but on the whole its much better. Letting go requires a lot of talking to yourself I've found lol.
DeleteHave you written about The Secret before? I seem to remember someone doing that and I think it was you. I read The Secret and had the same kind of reaction to it as Sam, but I see where you're coming from in that it maybe helped focus your mind and your actions. Who knows eh! I had the same thing with The Power of Now. I had two men rave about this book and one gave me his copy, and I all I could think was "oh give me strenth" - and from that I deduced it was a man's book. That being said, I have found it again and if I ever get through the other 3,899 books I have sitting waiting to be read I will give it another shot to see if age (mine) improves it!
ReplyDeleteI've no idea if I've written about the Secret before lol. I may have done as I've had it for several years and I admit I love it. I've had books recommended to me too that I've thought were absolute rubbish. Reading in general is very subjective isn't it. I don't actually talk much about reading to friends as we all have very different tastes. One friend in particular reads books about geology and archeology and loves them and I just can't understand how she can read these kind of things. Plus I think our taste in books can change over time. I used to love Jack Reacher books but when I was ill I stopped reading and found them too grizzly after that! I'm a real lightweight when it comes to reading!
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